


feeling is first

by torkz



Series: 'feeling is first' verse [1]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Fluff and Humor, M/M, Multi, Mutual Pining, Pining, Polyamory, Recreational Drug Use, Samwell Men's Hockey Team - Freeform, Slow Burn, big gay panic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-31
Updated: 2017-10-02
Packaged: 2018-12-09 12:44:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11669382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/torkz/pseuds/torkz
Summary: Stupid, beautiful Derek Nurse, with his stupid, beautiful eyes, his stupid, beautiful mouth, and his stupid beautiful poetry.In which, Chris Chow realizes his feelings for Derek Nurse aren't exactly platonic.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> me, sitting on my bed: man I wanna write but I have exactly zero (0) ideas  
> me: ~thinks of Chris Chow~  
> me: wordswordswordswordswords
> 
> anyway this thing is a monster and I had to get it out into the world, so have a first chapter! the others will come at some (currently undecided) time but I promise they'll happen. lol enjoy!

It’s nine in the evening, and Chris is on a run around the block to work off some steam. He’d had kind of a shitty practice, letting more pucks in during those few hours than he had in his entire career at Samwell. He isn’t sure why he is feeling off-- his girlfriend was perfect, his best friends were incredible and had finally, _finally_ , stopped biting each other's heads off, not to mention he was one of the top ranked goalies in the ECAC. He tries to think back to what he was doing before practice as he runs his miles. He had been hanging out with Nursey in his room, studying and doing homework. Well, Nursey was doing homework and Chris was just watching and listening. Nursey had a habit of musing out loud, poetry and papers alike, and using Chris as a kind of sounding board. He had figured out early on that his friend didn't actually want or need him to respond, but he always got swept up in the way Nursey managed to weave words into something that crept under his skin and settled there. This evening had been… interesting. Nursey’s creative writing assignment was just the word "indulgence” and he’d pieced together lines full of sensuality, joy, and pleasure until Chris was practically vibrating under the weight of Nursey’s beauty.

His brows pull together as his brain settles over that word. Obviously Nursey was attractive, you would have to be some combination of prejudiced and oblivious not to see it, but Chris had never associated the word “beautiful” with him until now. But he was. Beautiful, kind, charming, brilliant, a talented hockey player, a fierce friend. He laughed loud and easy and bright, and he was slow to anger. The two of them had grown incredibly close over the past few years together, and he knew that he would do whatever he needed to to keep him in his life, even after graduation.

_Shit_ , he thinks to himself, slowing his cool down jog to a walk before stopping altogether. He feels his mouth hanging open but is powerless to stop it under the weight of this revelation. _SHIT._ It wasn’t Nursey’s words that had gotten under his skin, it was _Nursey_. Stupid, beautiful Derek Nurse with his stupid, beautiful eyes and his stupid, beautiful mouth and his stupid, beautiful poetry.

He starts on the remainder of his walk back to the Haus, nerves and confusion lighting him up from the inside. He considers keeping this to himself until he can work through it more, but he knows his anxiety would run wild until he buried and repressed his feelings. So he messages the only person he really feels comfortable talking to about this.

**Me: Hey Bitty, are you still up?**

He barely waits a second before a response comes in.

**Bits and pieces: yeah honey I'm tryna power through this paper what's up?**

**Me: Oh, I don't want to interrupt you i just wanted to talk. It can wait until morning though?**

**Bits and pieces: no come on over i need a break from this anyway. i made some cookies earlier if you don't mind grabbing some for us**

**Me: Okay yeah thanks Bitty, I'll be there in a bit.**

Chris shakes his hands out as he walks the last few feet to the Haus, trying to expel some of the adrenaline still running through his veins. He knows that Bitty will be wonderful and understanding, but he can't help the fear that he will get laughed at or dismissed. He spends the next few minutes on autopilot, methodically hanging his jacket, then washing his hands before plating some cookies and grabbing a couple bottles of water to shove in the pocket of his hoodie. He tries to ignore his shaking as he knocks on Bitty’s door.

“Hey, honey! Come on in. Excuse the clutter, I'm a mess right now.” Bitty sounds bright and cheerful and happy to see Chris. He feels his nerves settle almost immediately.

“I think I like boys and I definitely have a crush on Nursey and I don't know what to do about it and I’m hella freaked out Bitty,” Chris blurts out before the door is even closed. He winces. Bitty’s eyes widen and he stops with his hand still on the doorknob.

“Oh, bless your heart. Um. Thank you for trustin’ me with this?” Bitty sounds a bit confused and Chris feels his hands start to shake again. He puts the plate of cookies down on Bitty’s bedside table and turns around to walk back through the door before his embarrassment swallows him whole.

“Never mind, Bitty, it’s fine, don’t worry about it, just pretend I was never here.”

“No, Chris, come on. You came to talk to me, so talk to me. I’m not gonna force you to talk about this if you've changed your mind but I’m not letting you leave while you’re still dealin’ with somethin’,” Bitty says as he gently tugs Chris to the bed and places the plate of cookies in his lap. “Eat a damn cookie, child.”

“Not a child, Bittle,” Chris mutters before taking a bite. Bitty rolls his eyes good-naturedly at the use of his full last name, but apologizes nonetheless. They eat in silence for a bit, passing the plate back and forth, before Chris sighs and turns to face Bitty.

“How did you know you liked guys? And when? Did you know, I mean. If that's okay to ask.”

“Uh, yeah, sure! I don’t know when really. I think it was kinda always there? I knew because I never liked women. I know you’re probably lookin’ for something more in depth but it was really as simple as that. I remember thinkin’ of it as a real option when I was around ten? That was when kids started gettin’ mean.”

“Aw, Bits. I’m sorry that happened to you.”

“Don’t apologize, it's just somethin’ that happened. I’m fine, we’re talking about you now,” Bitty says, looking at him expectantly.

“Um. Okay. So. I was hanging out with Nursey today and he was just,” Chris pauses to find the word, “I don't know, just being Nursey and reading poetry to me like he always does. And I realized that I wasn’t just feeling things because of his words, I’m pretty sure it’s because of him, the fact that the words are his, and the way he says them. But, Bitty, I don't like boys. I don’t think? Is this a Nursey thing? I have a girlfriend!”

Bitty squeezes his arm before he can work himself up. “Hey, Chowder. It’s okay. You haven't cheated on your girlfriend and you still love her and find her attractive, right?”

“Yes, of course!”

“Okay so don’t worry about that part right now. Firstly, there are lots of queer people who don’t realize their sexuality until later in life, and you’re still so young anyways. It’s really not strange at all. Secondly... what do you wanna do about it?”

Chris blinks at him. “Do about it?”

“Well, yeah, honey. Is it something you want to figure out further? I have some good blogs and websites with information.”

“I don't know. I don't know WHAT to do. How can I have a crush while in a relationship? How can I have a crush on my best friend? How can I have liked men and never noticed?!”

“Nursey's queer and gorgeous, it's not strange that you have a crush on him. Also,” Bitty says, looking a little smug, “I noticed.”

Chris rips his eyes from his hands and stares at Bitty, incredulous. “What the hell, Bits? What do you mean you noticed?”

“Chowder, you literally blush every time Nursey smiles at you. And one kegster you sought Ransom out to tell him that you would lick the sweat from his abs if he asked. And I’ve seen you actually salivate when you watch Jack play hockey.”

“You drool, too, when you watch him play!”

“Yeah, but I’m fuckin’ him. I’ve seen that intensity directed elsewhere.” Bitty says with a smirk and a blush.

That surprised a laugh out of Chris, and he felt his anxiety ebb a bit more.

“Not to mention, Chowder, we’ve played many a game of spin the bottle at many a kegster and you’ve never batted an eye at kissing a man.”

“Well, I mean, it’s a game. I can’t chicken out,” Chris says, a little petulant.

“Sure, honey. Anyway, all I’m sayin’ is that you may not have acknowledged it but I think if you take a second to think back, you’ll realize that you knew all along,” Bitty says with a small shrug.

Chris tries to think through different situations where he's been exposed to men and his general reactions. For the most part, he really, genuinely didn’t spare a thought about them. But sometimes… sometimes…“Fuck.”

“Yeah.”

“Fuck, Bits.” Chris whines, running his hands down his face.

“Yeah,” Bitty says again, laughing a bit. “I know my reaction left much to be desired and I’m sorry about that. I just didn't realize you didn’t know.”

“It's okay! Um. I don't know where to go from here?”

“That depends on what you wanna do next. If you want my opinion, I think you should do some research and figure yourself out first. After that, I think you should talk to Farmer.”

Chris nods and moves to stand. “That sounds like a good idea. Thank you so much. Would you mind sending me the links you were talking about?”

“Of course!” Bitty says as he moves their empty cookie plate from his lap to the bed and stands with him. “Are you sure you’re okay? You don't have to leave yet. I’ll be up for a few more hours?”

“No, it’s okay, I have a lot to think about. And I know you're gonna try to use me to procrastinate,” Chris chuckles, pulling Bitty into a hug. Bitty’s laughter vibrates his skin as they embrace and he’s suddenly very thankful for him. He says so out loud and braces himself for the smack Bitty sends his way.

“Hush, you. And you’re welcome. I’m here if you need me.”

Chris slips out of Bitty’s room with a sigh and crosses the hall to his own. He feels better but worse, anxious but excited, and thankful for his friend. He strips quickly and throws on his sleeping shorts just as his phone pings with the links from Bitty. He slides into bed, shark plushie in tow, nestles into his covers, and begins to read.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was beta'd by my great friend Jo but please let me know if we missed any mistakes. leave comments and let me know what you think! even better, visit me on [tumblr](http://oluranurse.tumblr.com)!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so I definitely should give you guys a definitive timeline of when chapters are going to be posted, but I'm just posting when I feel it. lmao so surprise! here is a chapter two! Enjoy :))

It’s been two weeks since Chris had his Big Gay Panic, and he still hasn’t talked to his girlfriend about it. He’s pretty sure Caitlin isn't straight, even though they’ve never explicitly discussed it, but he’s really not sure when to bring up his incredibly annoying crush on his incredibly gorgeous best friend. He decides to go for it today, since they have a weekly lunch date set for Thursdays at Annie’s in between his eleven am coding class and his three pm ENGL III class with Nursey. He knows he’s playing a dangerous game and that Cait’s reaction is definitely going affect how he acts with Nursey, but the words are building in his chest and he needs to get them out before he explodes.

**Me: hey farmer’s market, are we still on for Annie’s at 1?**

**Farmer’s Market: that's still the most ridiculous nickname and yes we are! I'm here already AND i managed to grab our fave table**

**Me: !!!! cool see you in a bit!**

Despite the conversation that he knows he has to have, he is pretty stoked about seeing his girlfriend. Two college athletes with busy majors don’t have much time to spend together, so today will be the first time he’s gotten to spend more than five minutes with her in nearly a week.

Chris can feel the grin make its way onto his face as he opens the door to Annie’s and steps inside, the scents of coffee and pastry and college washing over him as he heads to their favorite table in the corner. He takes a deep breath, letting the familiar smells ground him and clear his head. His relationship with Cait has always been solid since they both understood the importance of communication, but talking about feelings is terrifying regardless, and Chris is going in blind. He has no guess as to how she’ll react. He takes another breath as he gets to the table, and is suddenly struck by the sight of her-- hat on, legs crossed, thumbs racing across her phone, two cups already sitting in front of her. He missed her more than he realized. She startles a bit when he puts his bag on the table and grins when she sees that it’s him, leaping up to throw herself in his direction. He catches her and presses a kiss to her forehead, his hand sliding down her ponytail in a gentle show of affection.

“Hey, baby girl. Damn, I’ve missed you,” Chris says as they sit back at their table.

“Hey babe, I’ve missed you too. How was class? I got you a chai latte, is that okay?”

“Yes, that’s perfect!” He groans as he takes a sip, “and our professor actually cancelled so Dex and I just dicked around in the library and pretended to study. How was your history class?”

“God I don't know babe, it's history. It kind of sucks,” she laughs taking a sip of her coffee. “We were learning about something specific to World War II but I was too busy trying to stay awake to pay attention. I genuinely have no clue what happened today.”

Chris grabs her hand over the table and steels himself. He'd hoped that she had a story to tell him so that he could take a little more time to prepare. He figures the two weeks leading up to this will have to do.

“Okay, babe. I have something to tell you. I had an epiphany a couple weeks ago, and I didn’t tell you until now because I didn’t want to talk about it over the phone. We haven’t had more than five minutes together since I figured it out so I thought I would wait until our Thursday date, but. Um. I like boys?”

“Are you asking me or telling me?” Farmer laughs lightly, rubbing gentle circles on his thumb.

“Telling you. Definitely telling. I’m queer.” Chris can hear his voice shaking a little because she’s watching him and she’s holding his hand but she hasn’t _said_ anything and he’s definitely going to die right this second.

“Well, thank you for telling me, and it’s totally fine. I actually really like girls.”

Chris lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. “Oh God, thank goodness. I was so scared, Cait.”

She laughs again, brighter this time and leans over to kiss him softly. “Thank you so much for telling me. What helped you realize?”

Chris feels his face getting hot and squeezes her hand quickly three times, nervous. “Well that's the other part of what I was wanting to talk about. I realized it because I definitely have a crush on Nursey? But I still want to be with you! You’re my girlfriend and I love you and I definitely don’t want to break up or anything!”

Caitlin throws her head back and laughs. Chris would be a lot more annoyed if he wasn’t so damn happy that she wasn't upset.

“Chris. Sweetheart. How did it take you this long to realize that you have a crush on Derek?”

“What the hell, Farmer, how did you know?” Chris asks, exasperated.

“Well,” she manages to get out in between giggles, “you wear literally all of your emotions on your face, so I don’t know how you're so surprised that I could tell. Honestly, the only people who don’t know are the truly oblivious and the Straights. And probably Nursey. The only reason I never brought it up before is because you never mentioned an interest in men and I didn't want to push and make you uncomfortable. But honestly, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t expecting this conversation to happen eventually, and baby, I am really REALLY happy to be having it.”

Chris’s jaw drops. “Are you serious? You’re okay with it? You’re okay with me PURSUING it? I would have been happy with you just accepting my coming out to you!”

Farmer takes a long pull of her coffee and Chris can tell she’s trying to find the right words. He can’t blame her; he’s still trying to make his heart catch up to his brain’s knowledge of her acceptance. It still feels like it’s going to beat out of his chest and the only thing preventing him from dropping into stretches to relieve the adrenaline is her hand held firmly in his over the table.

“I’m okay with it.” Farmer says after a moment. “Nursey is your person. I like to think I am too, but I know that Nursey is and it doesn’t seem fair to me to deny you what your heart needs. So, like... you know. Get your man.”

Chris doesn’t know if he'll ever pick his jaw back up and he can feel tears making an appearance. Farmer sees them and drags his chair to her with a soft “baby.” Chris accepts her gentle kisses and returns them fiercely, nipping his thanks onto her bottom lip and breathing them into her mouth. He stops for air and put his forehead on hers.

“What are you doing tonight?”

“Nothing much,” she says as she steals another kiss. “What did you have in mind?”

“Well it's one thing to be okay with me coming out, but it's another thing entirely to accept my being polyamorous. You had your suspicions and you didn't pressure me; you just loved me. I think, Caitlin Farmer, that you deserve a date.” He whispers this all against her lips and steals kisses between words, ending his sentence with a light tug to her ponytail.

“Chris Chow, you smooth motherfucker.”

Chris laughs outright at that and stands to grab their things. “Come on, Farmer’s Market, let me walk you to class.”

They hold hands as they go and he delights at the blush still in her cheeks and neck. They talk about nothing and everything and Chris forgets that Nursey is going to be in his next class all the way up to the moment he drops her off at the door. She must see the anxiety in his face, because she pulls him in for one more kiss and swipes a thumb over his cheek.

“You don’t have to tell him today, baby, just be as you’ve always been. We can talk more tonight before you talk to him about it, yeah?”

“Yeah, okay. Thank you, Cait. I love you.” Chris says with a soft smile, and doesn't even pretend he's not watching her ass as she walks through the door, throwing an “I love you” over her shoulder.

He turns on his heel and starts quickly toward the neighboring building, pulling out his phone as he goes. He has three texts from Bitty, whom he had updated on his plans to talk to Caitlin, and one from Nursey.

**Bits and pieces: hey did you talk to Farmer???**

**Bits and pieces: I'm sure it’s going to be fine, she loves you**

**Bits and pieces: text me when you have a second and lemme know how it went!**

He shoots a quick text to Bitty, letting him know that everything went smoothly and offering to stop by his room for deets when he gets a chance. Bitty’s affirmative is buzzing in his hand as he switches to Nursey’s thread.

**Nursery rhymes: hey C, you and Cait are still meeting today right? can you grab me an iced chai from Annie’s?**

Chris immediately feels guilty about checking his phone after he had already left the little cafe. He double checks the time, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk to calculate how quickly he could run to Annie’s, wait in line, order, and wait for the drink before running back to class. He shakes himself out of it and starts walking again, knowing he would have to basically sprint to make it to class on time. He’ll just apologize to Nursey in person. Chris spots him as soon as he walks in, and he looks like every dream he’s ever had, with his green cap and black v-neck and tight jeans. He slides into the seat next to him, and Nursey pouts when he sees that Chris is empty handed.

“You didn’t provide for me, Chow. I am hurt and deeply offended.”

“Oh hush, drama queen, I didn’t see your text until literally five minutes ago. I’m sorry, though, how about I treat you after class?” Chris says, pulling his materials out of his bag. He looks up just in time to see Nursey shrug and shoot him a wink.

“It’s a date.”

Chris starts quickly arranging the items on his desk, avoiding Nursey’s eyes to hide his flaming cheeks. _Fuck_ , he thinks, _I’m so, so gone on him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was beta'd by my great friend Jo but please let me know if we missed any mistakes. leave comments and let me know what you think! even better, visit me on [tumblr](http://oluranurse.tumblr.com)!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jesus Chowder your gay is showing, calm it down

“C, I swear to God, I would never play like this. It was in my closet chewing on one of my Samwell hoodies! Look, you can see the hole!” Nursey exclaims, holding out his hoodie for evidence.

Chris is on his hands and knees in Nursey’s room, looking under the bed and trying to stifle his laughter. He had received a call from Nursey in hysterics and burst through their shared bathroom to find him on his bed with an article of clothing clutched to his chest and his phone on his ear. Apparently, there was a mouse when he got into his closet and he was calling Chris to get it, knowing that Chris was one of the few people who wouldn’t make fun of him for it. Chris was desperately trying not to betray that trust and was failing miserably.

“Well, I don’t see or hear it. Also, bruh, how are you afraid of rats? You’re from New York!” Chris asks, sweeping his broom under the bed to shift around the stuff and hopefully lure the mouse out.

“Yes Christopher, I know where I’m from, but those rats were OUTSIDE, not in my DORM! And there’s a very valid story behind my fear, but I’m not telling you, dickhead.”

Chris looks up at Nursey with pure glee, and stops his search. “Oh, hell no. If you want me to get this mouse you better start talking.”

“Chris! Please! I’ll buy you coffee for the rest of the year, I swear to God.” Nursey’s voice has gone up several octaves in frustration and Chris officially loses his battle with laughter. He doubles over completely with his broom still clutched in his hand, laughing too hard to think about his quest anymore. He laughs even harder when he feels Nursey hit him in annoyance and falls over on the floor.

“Oh my God Nursey,” Chris wheezes, “this may actually be the thing that kills me, bro. Okay, okay, I won’t make you suffer. I’m getting it. But you really have to tell me that story.”

“Fine, fuck, just get the fucking thing. Please.”

Chris moves back to his position to search under the bed, chuckles still shaking his body. He shifts a pair of shoes and sees a tail as the mouse tries to scurry deeper into it. The bed is high enough off the floor that Chris is able to grab a box Nursey had laying around and slams it down on top of the shoe. He slides his hand under the box to keep the shoe in place and flips it, triumphantly holding the box as he stands.

“You sure you don’t want it?” he says as he makes his way over to the door, swinging his arm near Nursey’s huddled form on the bed.

Nursey presses himself closer to his wall to escape. “Yo, chill! No, please take it outside.”

“Alright, I’m going. But I’m accepting this story as my payment.”

“Fine,” Nursey calls as Chris heads outside, “but grab a beer from the fridge. I’m gonna need a fucking drink after this.”

Chris laughs his way down the stairs and heads to the backyard to let the mouse out on its merry way. Things between him and Nursey have been the same despite Chris’s newfound discovery and he’s incredibly glad for that. Farmer and Bitty both have been pressuring him to tell Nursey how he feels and, despite the knowledge that Nursey would never hurt him, Chris can’t bring himself to do it. There are too many variables, too many possibilities where he loses Nursey altogether and that is unacceptable. Though, he would be lying if he said there hadn’t been times where it nearly burst out of him. Just the other evening, Nursey was laughing at some lame joke Chris had made during their monthly Whine and Wine night and Chris felt the blush starting from his neck that had nothing to do with the alcohol. He’d glanced over at Ford and she had tilted her head to the side just a little, calculating, too much like Lardo for her own good. The moment was broken when Chris couldn’t help but watch Nursey in the throes of joy. He thought about that look Ford had given him as he headed back inside to grab a few beers. There’s no way she guessed, right? He definitely thought she had that same strange intuition that Lardo had so he wouldn’t exactly be surprised, but he’d hoped to keep it to himself for a bit longer.

He steps back into Nursey’s room to find it empty, and turns to see Nursey through their open bathroom door, sitting on his bed with his back to the wall. He walks in with a grin and hops up next to him, handing over the beer before cracking open his own.

“Okay, spill.”

Nursey takes a long pull from his beer. “Okay, so when I was little, probably about eight? There was this bookstore down the street from my house where I spent pretty much all of my time. One day, my sister Amina finally decided to come with me to check it out, and we wanted to play hide and seek. There was a little, like, nook? Under a cabinet where I spent most of my time reading and I shoved myself into it before she could find me. It just so happened that this time, I got stuck.”

“Why didn’t you just call for your sister?”

“It was a bookstore!” Nursey says, indignant. “You aren't allowed to yell in bookstores and you definitely aren’t allowed to play hide and seek in them and, in my little kid brain, that was more important than getting help. I couldn’t risk Auntie G telling me I could never come back.”

“Okay, fair enough,” Chris laughs, “but what does that have to do with mice? And is Auntie G the store owner?”

“Yeah she is, and it turned out the bookstore had mice, and I could hear them crawling around in the walls and chewing. And I was stuck there for HOURS because Amina met Auntie G and they figured that I would just come out when I got tired of waiting. They eventually found me when I had a panic attack and started crying loud enough to be heard.”

Chris rolls his head from where he had been staring straight ahead listening, and watches as Nursey finishes off his beer, saying nothing. He pops the cap off of another and hands it to his friend.

“Dude,” he says eventually, “that’s fucking awful.”

“Chyeah.” Nursey snorts into his beer.

“How about a secret for a secret?” Chris asks, immediately regretting it.

“Yeah?” Nursey says rolling his head to stare back at Chris, curiosity piqued.

“Yeah.” Chowder answers and steels himself. “Um. I’m bi? And polyam.”

The smile that works it’s way onto Nursey’s face is brighter than the California sun, and Chris wonders how he ever thought his feelings for this man were platonic. He smiles too when Nursey wraps an arm around his shoulders and pulls him in for a hug, hiding his blushing cheeks into Nursey’s shoulder.

“That’s swawesome, C!” Nursey says, releasing Chris from his grip. “I’m really happy you felt comfortable enough to tell me, bro.”

“Yeah. I told Bitty first and he gave me like, links and shit. And a pie, of course. Then I told Farmer a couple weeks back and she was really cool about it.”

“Like really cool, or like, cool in the way that straight women think they’re being cool but they’re actually not.”

“Well, she’s not straight, so definitely really cool.”

“Shut the fuck up!” Nursey says, eyes widening. “You and Farms should come and meet some of my queer friends sometime! We do like, poetry nights and shit and go to the gay club around here.”

“Yeah, that sounds swawesome. I’ll ask Cait about it this evening. Hey, speaking of poetry, did you ever figure out that creative writing assignment from a few weeks back?”

“Aw, you really do pay attention to me,” Nursey chirps, dimpling at Chris. “Yeah, I finished it finally. Do you wanna read it?”

“Nah, it’ll sound better in your voice.” Chris says, before he can think about it too much. “Read it to me.”

Nursey agrees with a blush that Chris almost misses and heaves himself off the bed. Chris watches as he rifles through his mess of a desk before finding his moleskine notebook. He flips through the pages, smiling when he finds what he’s looking for. He starts reading, his voice changing in the low raspy way that it does when he’s reading poetry, giving his words life and power. Chris feels that power in Nursey’s dips and pauses, in his mentions of touching and tasting and taking more than he needs but as much as the other person will give. Chris bites his lips, desperately wanting to be that person. He wants to know what Nursey sounds like when he’s tasting and being tasted, what his smile looks like when his lips are kiss bitten and swollen, what his hands feel like when their soft caresses meet Chris’s skin. He releases his lip when Nursey finishes his poem and looks over to him. Nursey’s embarrassed in the way he always gets after he shares his work and Chris wants to sing his praises into his skin.

He wonders if he ever will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have a headcanon that Nursey has two older sisters: Fatima, who is like,, 12 years older than him but they're best friends and love each other fiercely and then Amina who is only 4 years older than him and they get a long really well too. maybe one day I'll write some meta about that, no promises  
> ~leave me a fucking comment i'm very lonely~  
> (also come find me on [ tumblr](http://www.oluranurse.tumblr.com/) and talk to meeeee)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise I didn't forget about this fic, I've been working my ass off to get this chapter beta'd to my standards! anyway have this, I hope you enjoy reading as much as a enjoyed writing it! 
> 
> warnings for mentions of marijuana and recreational drug use

It’s a Saturday evening and Chris is leaning against the living room wall in the Haus, nursing some tub juice and watching a kegster rage around him.The previous evening had been epic games for both the Falconers and Samwell; the Falconers had beat the Aces 3-1 with all points scored by Jack Zimmermann, and Samwell had beat Harvard 2-0. As such, they had invited all of their graduated friends to celebrate, and they’d all managed to come. Chris has a good view of the whole room, and he watches his friends, tipsy and partying, and smiles into his cup. He’s supposed to be “bitchass shitfaced” according to his team, but they had forgotten all about that mission after he did a keg stand. Farmer has already left for the evening, citing a need for some alone time and, as much as he misses her, he’s kind of glad she didn’t stay. 

Tonight is the night he plans to talk to Nursey. 

He and Caitlin had been talking about the logistics of Chris dating her and Nursey at the same time, as Chris really wanted to make sure they were on the same page. All of the information he’d found on what it means to be polyamorous and how to manage that type of a relationship really enforces one rule: communication. Chris has really taken that to heart and he feels really good about where they stand. He’s been trying to work up the courage to speak to Nursey, but he and Cait saw him when they first arrived at the kegster and he looked so gorgeous that Chris forgot how to string two words together. He’d stuttered out a “hey, have fun!” and dragged Cait away and she chirped him all the way up until she left. He has no idea how he’s going to talk to this man.

Chris is still trying to figure out a plan when the man in question walks up to him, grinning and covered in a thin layer of sweat. He looks like a god; Ransom’s white hat flopped backwards over his curls, his shoulders standing out tan and smooth and muscular under a too big Samwell shirt that he had cut the sleeves off of and made into a crop top. He paired the look with light wash skinny jeans and a pair of Vans the same red as his shirt; it’s a type of messy only he can pull off. Chris is in trouble.

“Hey Cali boy! I’ve been looking for you!” Nursey says, leaning in close to speak directly into Chris’s ear. “I figured you just went upstairs with Farms, but someone said they saw you out here so I decided to look.” Nursey says, stealing Chris’s cup and shooting the rest of it.

“Oh, why? To steal my drink? I watched you walk past the kitchen to get to me, you heathen.” Chris says with a smile, trying not to blush too hard at their proximity. 

Nursey tosses the empty cup into a nearby trash can with incredible accuracy and smiles cheekily. “Heathen? You’ve been hanging out with Bitty too much,” Nursey chirps. “And no, that was just a plus. I’m actually headed up to the Reading Room with Lardo and Shitty, I was wondering if you wanted to come?”

“Oh! Swawesome!” Chris says, nervous and a little confused, considering he’s never smoked with them before. 

“Hey, are you sure?” Nursey asks, picking up on Chris’s hesitation. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to, I just remembered you telling me how much you missed Lardo, and God knows I miss Shitty. Plus, I figured I could smoke you out as a present for being so fuckin’ clutch in the game last night.”

Nursey is still standing close enough to be heard, looking flush and concerned. Though he’s spent countless hours alone with Nursey since he realized his feelings for him, it’s never been with someone as intuitive as Lardo around, and never with a haze of weed surrounding them. Even so, just the thought of him, eyes low and soft, laugh throaty and sweet, is enough to make him say yes. Being around Lardo and Shits is going to put a damper on his plan to finally talk, but he’s not going to miss an opportunity to smoke with them. 

“Yeah dude, I’m good. I know I can leave if I want,” Chris says.

Nursey’s smile comes back in full force and he grabs Chris’s wrist to keep them together as they wade through the crowd. The crowd thins and they’re on the staircase, music fading as they make their way up. Nursey somehow manages to clear the staircase and only trip once, much to Chris’s pride and amusement, and they make their way to Nursey’s bedroom where they grab a blanket before opening the window. They crawl out onto the roof and find Lardo and Shitty, Lardo leaning against Shitty, who is shirtless and giggling as they pass a bowl between them. There are a few gatorades and snacks strewn across a Samwell blanket big enough to fit all four of them, as well as a paint splattered container that Chris assumes holds more weed. They look up when they hear the window slide closed and grin.

“Boys! My Frogs! How the fuck are ya?” Shitty thunders. “I would stand up and hug you but I’m comfortable as hell and I’m pretty sure Lardo would kill me.”

“No, it’s fine,” Lardo laughs as she stands, “Chow. Nurse. You look good.”

“Duan,” Chris says cheekily, before scooping Lardo up into a hug and holding her tight. “Wow, have you gotten smaller?”

“Fuck you,” Lardo says, punching Chris in the arm, “Nursey’s my favorite now.”

“What?” Nursey says, affronted. “Was I not your favorite before?”

“Of course not, Shits and I can’t have the same favorite Frog.” Lardo shrugs, opening her arms to get her hug from him too. 

Nursey throws the blanket he’s carrying over his shoulder before he hugs her back and smiles. He leaves her to walk over to Shitty for a fist bump and a hug, and Chris tries not to watch him as he goes, but all those miles of brown skin and rippling back muscles are a sight to behold, and Chris Chow is a weak, weak man. He blinks and comes back to himself, looking down where Lardo is still standing in front of him. She’s wearing a knowing look and a smirk and Chris knows he’s busted. He winces, waiting for the conversation he knows they’re going to have. She lets him suffer for a bit, just staring at him, and he shuffles from foot to foot with nervous energy.

“Yeah?” Lardo says eventually.

“Yeah,” Chris nods.

“He know?”

“Nope, just you, Farms, and Bitty.”

“You gonna tell him?” 

“I want to, I just don’t know how. Wait, you’re not surprised?”

“I was your manager for two years, Chris.” Lardo says simply.

Chris nods at that and they sit in silence.

“What if he rejects me?” Chris whispers. 

He lifts his eyes to see if Nursey has noticed they’re talking about him, and Lardo turns to watch with him. Nursey is sitting with his blanket wrapped around him and looks over at that moment and winks, his lips battling between a grin and a kiss to the end of the bowl that he’s taken from Shitty. He passes it back, laughing at something Shitty says, his eyes bright and crinkling at the corners. Chris sighs and Lardo pats him softly on the arm.

“Hmm,” she says finally, “I guess you have to decide if it’s worth the risk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> beta'd by the loveliest Nan (nanlicia on tumblr!) and Reilly (simplyimpractical). we aren't infallible tho, so if there are any mistakes, please feel free to leave a comment or visit me on [tumblr](http://oluranurse.tumblr.com)!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang gets high, and the boys get gay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was one the hardest chapters for me to write, and it's also the longest, and I am absolutely in love with it. I hope you all like it too!  
> Warning for recreational drug use

Chris lets Lardo lead him to sit with the others, and he fist bumps Shitty before dropping down next to Nursey and bumping him with his shoulder. They all exchange pleasantries, asking about school and responsibilities and relationships, giggling all the while. They haven’t offered Chris a hit yet but he doesn’t mind much; he’s happy riding the high from his victory and his friends’ intoxicated joy. He watches as Shitty takes a final hit from their bowl and Lardo opens her container, confirming Chris’s suspicions of the contents. She passes it over to Shitty who pulls out a few buds, a wrap, and a grinder, before looking up at Chris and grinning.

“So, Chowder, my man. Nursey here tells me the plan is to smoke you out? Are we celebrating something?”

Nursey is holding the corner of his blanket in his hand as he reaches his arm around Chris’s waist and pulls him in. “Yes we are, C had a fucking killer game last night!”

Chris blushes, and he can’t tell if it’s from Nursey’s warmth and his smell woven into the blanket they’re sharing, or the compliment he’s given. “Uh, yeah. Thank you. I’m not sure what it means to smoke someone out but I’m pretty excited,” Chris laughs.

He watches as Lardo and Shitty share a look before glancing back at Nursey and smirking. Lardo pulls out her phone and Shitty goes back to rolling his blunt. Chris looks up at Nursey’s face and notices his blush, and _hmm, that’s interesting_ . He uses the air blowing cold whispers over their skin as his excuse to move a little more comfortably into Nursey’s side and is delighted to see his blush darken. _That is especially interesting._

“Hey Nursey,” Chowder says softly, “what does that mean exactly?”

“Depends on who you ask.” Nursey says just as softly, reaching out with his free hand for the blunt and the lighter Shitty is passing him. “Some people define it as just sharing their weed. Others define it as getting someone blazed as fuck.”

Chris watches as Nursey sparks up, takes a long pull, holds it. “How do you define it, then?”

Nursey turns with his blanket still over him, nearly wrapping it around them both, and uses his thumb to part Chris’s lips, before moving his hand to cup his jaw. His eyes flicker between Chris’s eyes and his mouth and, instead of answering, he whispers, “breathe in.”

Chris stares into his eyes as he opens up for him, and Nursey’s lips touch his gently as he blows out the smoke from his lungs. Chris accepts the offering and puts his hand on Nursey’s chest; his heart is beating hard and quick under Chris’s palm, matching his beat for beat. He feels the rasp of the smoke in his throat when he inhales, and as he exhales, all he can feel is his lips moving over Nursey’s in a real kiss, the warmth and pressure, the scratch of stubble under fingertips he doesn’t remember bringing to his crush’s chin.

The smoke dissipates and the kiss lingers, the smell of smoke and wind and Nursey, Nursey, Nursey, overtaking Chris’s senses. He can feel his skin tingling as they kiss again and again, and he can’t tell if he’s intoxicated on Nursey or the smoke fading delicately around them.

Chris can feel Lardo and Shitty staring at them and Nursey must feel it too because they pull apart at the same time, blinking as they come to their senses. Chris’s face is on fire and Nursey’s doesn’t look much better, and they turn as one to look at Lardo and Shitty who look like they can barely contain their chirps.

“Well holy shit goddamn.” Shitty says.

“Swawesome.” Lardo says, grinning.

“I think we should talk.” Nursey whispers.

Chris looks back at Nursey to find him staring at his shirt, blushing fiercely and looking uncomfortable. He grabs Nursey by the hand and tangles their fingers together, giving him as much reassurance in that bit of intimacy as possible until they can get some privacy. He stands and drags Nursey up with him.

“Okay. Right. So. Sorry about that. Um, obviously he and I need to talk, so we are going to my room, y’all can have Nursey’s if you need it.” Chris says, a little sheepish. He can feel Nursey’s eyes on him but he refuses to look back, afraid of what he’ll find.

“Fuck happened to you getting smoked out, Chow? Can’t keep it in your pants long enough for a couple more hits?” Shitty chirps, smirking. Lardo loses her battle with laughter and cracks up, snorting and clutching her phone to her chest.

“Obviously we have other matters to attend to, Bertrand, shut the fuck up.” Chris says, rolling his eyes good naturedly.

“You know that’s not my name.”

“Oh? Hmm. Bradwick, maybe? Bishop?”

“Fuck off, Frankie.”

“Okay, boys, Jesus, put your dicks away,” Lardo scolds, “conversations need to be had, and weed needs to be smoked. We’ll catch up tomorrow.”

Chris smirks and says his goodbyes as they head back to the window, hearing Nursey do the same behind him. Nursey still hasn’t said anything to him, and Chris is still terrified, but their hands are still clasped, and blushes are still sitting high in their cheeks, and Chris can’t help but feel that things are gonna turn out just fine.

〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰

“I’m sorry.” Nursey blurts out.

They’ve crawled back into Chowder’s room, changed into something a bit more comfortable, and are currently cuddled up in his bed. He wanted to have this conversation with a little more distance just to keep his head clear, but Nursey looked so sad and nervous, and Chris could tell it was what they both needed. As a result, they are currently laying with Chris’s back to Nursey’s chest, their legs tangled together, Nursey’s hand resting softly on his hip and his thumb rubbing circles on the skin he finds there. He smells like musk and cologne and weed coated skin, and Chris can feel his soft breaths over his scalp.  Chris scrunches his brow in confusion at the outburst. “Nursey--,”

“Derek.” Nursey interrupts softly.

“Derek,” Chris nods, after a moment. “I kissed you. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Yes but I flirted with you before I even checked to see what you wanted. I just assumed you were interested and moved forward! That’s not cool man, you’re my best friend, I don’t want you to be uncomfortable and--”

“Derek, chill.” Chris waits to feel Derek take a breath before he starts again. “I’m not mad at you. You haven’t done anything wrong. I’m interested too, I’ve been trying to find some way to tell you for ages. Also, flirting with people is a good way to gauge their interest and you know this, you’re just freaking out because it’s me. But it’s me, Derek. It’s okay.”

“And we’re okay?”

“We’re okay. I’ve wanted to tell you for hella long but I had no idea how.”

They’re silent for a bit; Chris doesn’t want to pressure Derek into speaking before he’s ready, and he’s perfectly happy to wait if he isn’t ready to talk about it tonight.

“I know people have this idea of me because of my looks or whatever, but I don’t do this often. I date people and dip out before things can get serious because it’s never about me, it’s always about athletics or money or some weird thing about my dick, and I just--,” Derek pauses, trying to find his words, “I don’t want to mess this up, C. I really like you. I have since the Taddy Tour.”

Chris rolls over to look at him, incredulous. “Derek, that was three years ago! Why didn’t you say anything?”

They’re nearly nose to nose now, and Derek’s soft circles continue. His eyes are low as he stares at Chris and his smile is soft and easy, remembering.

“You were so kind and so funny and easy going and treated me like we’d already been friends for years. And I didn’t know if you liked guys. I just knew that you were the brightest person I’d ever seen and I was just happy to be in your light. I didn’t care about how.”

Chris brings his hands to Derek’s face, tracing his smile with his thumb and smiling back. “Happy being in my light, Jesus,” Chris mumbles, “how are people not constantly falling in love with you? You’re so beautiful.”

“Wow, beautiful? That’s gay, Chow.” Derek chirps softly. He’s trying to deflect but Chris can see how pleased he is.

Chris laughs loud and bright. “I can get gayer, Nurse, don't test me.”

They’re laughing as they kiss again, messy and toothy with their grins, and it’s one of the best kisses Chris has ever had. Derek’s hand is warm on his back, and he feels like he’s melting under the weight of it. He holds Derek’s face and takes and takes, intoxicated with their shared breaths. He feels Derek’s hand on his hip pushing him away and he stops immediately.

“Hey, what’s up? Did I go too fast?” Chris asks softly, concerned.

“No, nothing like that. I just. I know you said you talked to Farms, but I feel like I should know where we stand before we go any further. I don’t want to get my hopes up if--”

“Don’t,” Chris cuts him off, “don’t you fucking dare. I would never do that to you. You aren’t some fling, or some experiment. I’m all in.”

“Okay.” Derek nods. “I’ve been in a couple polycules, so I know how important communication is and I just wanted to know what you two decided so that I know where we stand.”

“Well, Farms really just wanted to make sure that I talk to her, and that I don’t forget about my own needs in trying to meet yours and hers. We figured you would want to talk to both of us, so I was going to see if we could all just go to that Indian place that you like.” Chris pauses and laughs a little, sheepish. “I hadn’t figured it all out yet but I was going to try and talk to you this evening. You kinda stole my thunder.”

“Oh,” Derek says, grinning. “Chill.”

“Oh my god, Derek.”

Derek laughs bright and easy, just the way Chris likes, and he can’t help but kiss him softly before grinning back.

“We can do some serious talking tomorrow but it’s...” Chris reaches out towards his nightstand for his phone and checks the time, “two am and we should probably sleep.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” Derek says.

They get settled deeper into the covers and adjust to fit more comfortably against one another in the too small twin bed. They’re still facing each other and share one more chaste kiss goodnight, and Chris just watches as Derek drifts slowly off to sleep. He knows he’s going to be too warm in a few hours, and having Derek’s breath wafting over his face is going to gross him out, but he’s been waiting for this for too long not to let himself have it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love this chapter a lot and I hope y'all liked it too! As always, feel free to tell me any mistakes that Nan (my lovely beta this go round) and I may have made!  
> ~leave me a fucking comment, I'm very lonely~


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, well I said the last chapter was my favorite, but I may be lying a bit bc this is the gayest shit I've ever written and I'm in love with it. I've had it written for a while but I love it so much that I've been afraid to release it. lol. Be kind to me!

Chris wakes up with an arm slung over his waist and his face smothered into a chest. He’s never been one to linger in bed for too long after waking, but he allows himself just a moment to enjoy the sleep warm softness of Derek’s skin. He nuzzles into Derek a bit and delights when he pulls him closer and huffs out a sleepy breath.

“C? S’it morning?” Derek mumbles.

“Yeah,” Chris says softly, “I’m gonna go shower. You’re welcome to stay in bed.”

“No,” Derek whines, pulling Chris tighter to him and burying his face into his hair. “Lay with me longer.”

Chris chuckles and untangles himself, laying soft kisses on each of Derek’s eyelids and ending with his lips before crawling out of bed. “If I stay, you’re going to get annoyed with me very quickly. Just get up when you’re ready.”

He watches as Derek pulls the pillow across from him to his chest and nods, already drifting back off to sleep. Chris smiles to himself as he gets busy collecting materials for his shower, still barely able to believe that he spent the previous evening sharing kisses with Derek Nurse. He feels the way he did when he first met Caitlin, that all consuming joy that settles in his chest and around his heart, hard to think around and as easy as breathing. He’s excited to tell her all about how last night went and grabs his phone to find a whole slew of text messages. He slips into the bathroom and pulls the door shut, sliding open his screen to start reading.

**Gaysian: [picture of Nursey and Chowder kissing] wow do you think they’ll both turn into princes?**

**Farmer’s Market: !!!!!!!!!!!**

**Bits and pieces: !!!!!!!!!**

**Gaysian: it was really sweet i’m surprised Chowder didn’t spontaneously combust**

**Bits and pieces: you mean Nursey?**

**Farmer’s Market: [eyes emoji]**

**Gaysian: [eyes emoji]**

**Bits and pieces: You’re kidding. You didn’t notice?**

**Farmer’s Market: isn’t Chris the one that came to you?**

**Bits and pieces: Yeah, but I found Nursey moping over one too many cups of tea and finally asked him and he spilled his guts**

**Gaysian: i cannot believe you didn’t tell me, itty**

**Gaysian: i mean i knew, but i cannot believe you didn’t tell me**

**Farmer’s Market: i can’t believe neither of you thought to tell ME**

**Bits and pieces: Sorry Farms, bros over completely wonderful giant volleyball playing girlfriends**

Chris laughs out loud at that, too amused to be annoyed at Lardo for taking the picture. He sends a couple of bird emojis, their symbol for chirping, before pulling the picture up again.

The moon and distant streetlights must have shed enough light because he doesn't remember a flash. His hand is visible on Derek’s chest and Derek’s hand is still cupping his face, a blush still high on their cheeks. They look good together, and Chris saves the picture to his phone with a grin, before locking it and finally getting into the shower.

He thinks about making breakfast for when Derek gets up, but that seems too domestic and try hard for someone he’s known for years now; he decides instead to surprise Derek with some coffee from Annie’s. With a plan in mind, he scrubs quickly and rinses so that he can get ready and head out.

Once he’s done and dressed, he peeks into his room again to see if Derek is still asleep and he is, curled tightly around the pillow Chris was sleeping on, his mouth slightly open with light snores falling out. Chris grins and gently closes the door so as not to wake him, heading downstairs before he does something silly, like crawl into bed and kiss him alert.

He bounces down the stairs to find Bitty and Jack in the kitchen; when Bitty sees him he jumps up, anticipation written all over his face.

“I need exclusive deets right now, Chowder,” Bitty says, practically vibrating with excitement. Jack rolls his eyes good naturedly behind him, and Chris laughs brightly.

“Sure, but I’m headed to Annie’s to grab us some coffee and let him sleep a little longer. Wanna come? Jack, you’re not leaving for a while?”

“No, I have plenty of time for a walk,” Jack says, smiling.

“Okay honey, let me put this batter away,” Bitty says.

They head out after donning jackets and shoes, and Chowder takes full opportunity to talk all about Derek. He tells Bitty about the way Derek’s eyes looked after they smoked, (“deep green wrapped in hazy pink”), the way his heart felt when they kissed for the first time (“like I couldn’t breathe Bitty, like he had control of my lungs”), how hard it was for him to get out of bed this morning and leave Derek’s warmth (“because what if I come back and it was all a dream”). He finally stops when they get to Annie’s and looks over to see Bitty grinning hard enough to bruise his cheeks, and Jack looking pleased in his own softer way.

“If you ever tell anyone I did that, I will never talk to either of you again,” Chris says, blushing profusely and holding the door open.

“I can’t lie, I wish I had the fine jar with me, that was at least $50 worth,” Jack says with a laugh.

“Oh, you leave him alone,” Bitty says, “he just experienced his first kiss with the boy he has a  Big Gay Crush on. He’s entitled to gush a little bit.”

“A little? A five minute stream of consciousness is not a little, bud.”

“God, you’re right, he just kept going, didn’t he?” Bitty giggles.

“Okay, I’m not dealing with this,” Chris says talking over their chirps, and walking up to the counter, cheeks still ablaze.

The cashier is small and brown and pretty, with long curly hair pulled up into a big bun, and a nametag reading “Max”. They smile brightly as they ask for his order, and Chris rattles it off seamlessly: a large caramel macchiato with almond milk, two extra pumps and an extra shot, and medium chai latte for himself.

“Hey, I recognize that order. Are you friends with Nursey?” Max says, their bright smile growing even brighter, somehow.

“Oh, yeah! I’m Chowder, I’m the goalie for the hockey team,” Chris says.

“Chowder! Oh yeah, I have heard a lot about you, he and I have Creative Writing together,” Max says, grin turning into a smirk.

“Oh? All good things I hope?” Chris asks , a little nervous.

“Definitely. Very, very good. Let me go make those drinks for you.”

“Swawesome, thanks!”

Stepping off to the side to wait while Max makes his drinks and another cashier takes Bitty and Jack’s orders, Chris pulls out his phone and shoots off a text to Caitlin, asking if she’s down for their first date with Derek later.

He’s turning Max’s words over in his mind. Obviously Derek has talked about him, he doesn’t know why he’s so surprised; Derek admitted last night that he’s had a crush on him for years, it only stands to reason that he would have talked about it to someone. He feels pretty terrible about having his head so far up his ass for so long, despite constant reassurances from Bitty and Farmer. He hopes this small token of his affection is a step in the right direction for Derek realizing how important he is to him.

His musings are interrupted by Max calling out for him and holding out his drinks. He thanks them and slips a couple of bucks in the tip jar, letting them know that he will tell Derek they said hi. Jack and Bitty have received their drinks too and they all head back out towards the Haus.

“So, Chowder, what’s your next move?” Bitty asks.

“What do you mean? With Nursey?”

“Yeah! Are you gonna wine and dine him?” Bitty chirps.

Chris’s blush returns with full force as he nods. “Yeah, I texted Caitlin while I was waiting for our drinks to make sure she’s available, I have plans to take him to his favorite Indian restaurant this evening so we can all talk. I mean, that counts as a date, right? He seemed hella nervous about all of this so I wanted to like, get the reassurances from Cait and stuff out of the way so that he’s as comfortable as possible. Do you think that’s okay? No, that’s silly, I should just take him on his own date--”

“Chowder,” Jack interrupts, “I think that’s a great idea. It shows that you’re listening to his worries and care enough to reassure him. Don’t freak yourself out, you’re gonna be fine.”

“Yeah, and your relationship with Farmer should be a good indication that you’re okay. She’s stayed for this many years already, you must be doing something right!” Bitty says, patting his shoulder reassuringly.

“Thanks, you guys. I don’t know why I’m so nervous. I’ve known him for years now.”

“That’s exactly why you’re so nervous, honey. It can feel like a lot more pressure when you’re trying to figure out a transition, rather than starting fresh with someone new,” Bitty says.

“Yeah. It will be fine, we’ll work it out,” Chowder says, smiling a bit. “How are you guys? Everything going well?”

Bitty and Jack look at each other before answering, and the love Chris sees there is enough to answer his own question. He smiles more and chuckles. “So, fantastic. Got it.”

Bitty and Jack both blush and Chris laughs outright. They chirp each other back and forth on the remainder of their walk back to the Haus and Chris’s worry bleed away easily. He’s excited to see Derek again and surprise him and he says as much as they walk through the door. Bitty and Jack wave him off with love after they’ve all shed their jackets, and he heads back upstairs to the beautiful man in his bed.

Derek is still sleeping soundly and Chris is loath to wake him up, but he does so anyway, setting down their coffees and wriggling his way back into bed. He starts by slowly removing the pillow Derek is holding and replacing it with himself, cupping the back of Derek’s head and placing a firm kiss on his forehead.

“Nursey,” he says softly. Derek responds with a groan and holds Chris tighter against him.

“I’m not getting up unless there’s coffee,” he grumbles.

“You can’t smell it?” Chris replies, comfortable in Derek’s grip.

Derek finally opens the eye not smooshed into the pillow and looks at Chris, a small, sleepy grin making its way onto his face.

“Yeah? What did you get me?”

“Large caramel macchiato with almond milk, two extra pumps and an extra shot,” Chris recites easily.

Derek’s grin broadens just a bit and he finally lifts his head to give Chris a firm kiss on his mouth. Morning breath should be gross but Chris barely notices as he chases another. They finally sit up in the bed, and Chris grabs their drinks, smiling into his when Derek groans after taking his first sip.

“Chris. C. Chowder. How long until I get to marry you?”

“Four years minimum. We have to finish school, ideally get settled into whatever careers we have, figure out housing.”

“That was a quick answer, Chow,” Derek chirps, leaning forward to steal a coffee bitter kiss, “been thinking about me lately?”

“Never. What’s your name again?”

Derek throws back his head and laughs, eyes crinkling at the corners. They’re sitting legs criss crossed and facing each other, knees touching lightly, enjoying their coffees and each other’s company.

“So,” Chris says after a moment, “how would you feel about going on a date with Caitlin and me this evening?”

“I may have to move some stuff around, but I guess I can be bothered,” Derek teases, a blush light on his cheeks.

“Do you always blush this much, Nurse?” Chris chirps.

“No, actually. Not much at all. I guess you’re just special, Chow.” Derek’s smile is as breezy as his words and he leans forward to steal a kiss that’s soft and heavy.

Chris melts into it, putty in the hands of this pretty boy, with his pretty words and even prettier kisses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow I hope you like this gay shit :))) Next up: a date!  
> A million thank yous to Nan (nanlicia on tumblr!) for being the best beta! We aren't perfect so please inform us of any mistakes!  
> ~leave me a fucking comment, I'm very lonely~


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We finally go on a date.

Yesterday evening, Chris Chow finally got to kiss the man of his dreams, and now this evening he’s going on a date with him  _ and  _ the woman of his dreams. He doesn’t know how he managed to get so lucky. He also doesn’t know why he did this to himself. He’s currently in his room trying on his third outfit, trying to impress the girl he’s been with for three years, and the boy he’s known for just as long. Logically, he knows that he could show up in his usual Sharks hoodie and sneakers and they would love him just the same, but this feels heavier somehow, more important. He knows that Derek and Caitlin will get along just fine and that takes some of the weight off of his shoulders, but he can’t help but freak out about everything else. What if Caitlin isn’t as okay as she thought? What if Derek isn’t? What if HE isn’t? What if they can’t work it out, or they can’t all get along or--

He looks at the mirror, disappointed with his latest pick on top of everything else, and promptly throws himself on the bed with a groan. He feels his phone vibrate from somewhere under his torso and reluctantly rolls over to grab it, answering when he sees that it’s Caitlin.

“Hey, baby girl,” he mumbles, face still mostly smooshed into the bed.

“Hey there, handsome. I’m gonna take a shot in the dark here and say that you’re freaking out and can’t figure out what to wear. So I’m solving your problem,” Cait says, her tone of voice leaving no room for argument.

“Well, your shot hit the target, but I’ve put on three outfits so far, I’m not sure how you’re going to find something I haven’t.”

“Well, I’m not wallowing in anxiety about a boy so I’m thinking more clearly than you. I’m at your door, come let me in.” Cait says, and abruptly hangs up.

Chris rolls his eyes but hops up anyway, running down the steps to open the door with a smile She looks good, dressed in a pretty black blouse with bright flowers and a nice pair of dark wash skinny jeans coupled with some patterned TOMS. Her makeup is light, just some mascara and foundation, and her hair is straight around her shoulders. Chris takes this all in after he presses a light kiss to her lips and pulls her into his side.

“Well, someone looks good,” Chris says as he grabs her hand, and they both yell greetings to Whiskey and Tango who are settled on the couch playing Mario Kart. They scream back, too invested in their game too pay too much attention. 

“Well, I have to impress your boyfriend, don’t I?” Cait teases. 

“No, **I** have to impress my boyfriend. And he’s not my boyfriend.” Chris answers.

“Yet,” Cait says, kicking her shoes off at Chris’s door and she making her way to his closet. 

She starts rummaging around pulling out clothes left and right. Chris watches her decide from where he’s settled on the bed and smiles to himself, trying not to laugh at the way her brow gently furrows and her tongue sticks out just so. She dedicates all of her attention to even the smallest problems (like her boyfriend being fashion illiterate) and it’s something that Chris has always loved about her.

“I love you,” Chris says.

She looks at him and grins, putting one knee on the bed to pull his face to hers in a chaste kiss. 

“Love you back, baby cakes,” Cait says, then turns around and pulls out the outfit she’s picked out. 

“Okay, I have an outfit for you: teal button up, those dark wash jeans that make your ass look great, and the dark grey Sperry’s. Put it on, lemme see.”

They switch spots, and Chris gets undressed. Cait wolf whistles when his shirt comes off and he wiggles his hips at her, making her giggle. He puts on the clothes that she’s picked out, spinning around slowly after he pulls his shoes on. He stops with his arms out to his sides, and she looks at him for a moment, lips pursed. She stands and grabs his left arm, rolling the sleeve up before repeating the process on his right. She nods to herself and grins.

“I’m a genius, you look great.” 

Chris turns and looks at himself in the mirror, smiling at what he sees. Cait wasn’t lying; he really does look good. He turns back to the bed to see her smiling at him, and pulls her into him for a kiss. When they pull apart, she stares in his eyes and makes a noise of comfort at what she sees there.

“Chris. He already loves you,” she says softly.

“I didn’t even say anything,” Chris chuckles, sheepish.

“You don’t have to, I already told you you wear your emotions on your face. It’s okay to be nervous but I promise it’s going to be okay. Come on, it’s time to go,” she kisses him one more time and grabs his hand to drag him out of the door, stopping in front of Derek’s door and knocking.

“Nurse! I promise you’re pretty, let’s go!” She yells, laughter evident in her voice.

There’s a scuffle from behind the door, a muffled “shit!” and the sound of Dex laughing, before Derek opens the door wide. He’s wearing dark wash jeans similar to Chris’s and a burgundy sweater with a small v neck. He has a thin gold hoop in his nose and something soft and glossy on his lips, and when he blinks, Chris notices a soft gold shimmer on his eyelids. He can’t stop looking him over, and is glad when Cait whistles her appreciation at him before the silence can get awkward. Derek chuckles and pulls her into a hug.

“You clean up real nice, boo,” she says, patting his chest.

“Not looking too bad yourself, Farms.”

Chris is still staring, and Derek stares back and Caitlin lets them have their moment before she rolls her eyes and pushes them together. Derek stumbles and Chris catches him and they stare a little more.

“Hey,” Chris says, a little breathless.

“Hey back. You look good, C,” Derek says, smiling gently before leaning forward and kissing him lightly on the lips. 

Chris’s face is immediately on fire and he ducks his head down into Derek’s shoulder, trying valiantly to will the color away. He hears Cait snorting and feels Derek chuckle and he groans softly in embarrassment. Derek brings his arms up and hugs Chris, rubbing his back gently.

“Holy shit, do you do that every time?” Cait chirps.

“Not every time,” Derek answers for him, “just most times.”

Chris lifts his head up and glares at the two of them, turning on his heel to stomp down the stairs. He hears their laughter as they follow him, and his heart warms, despite the scowl he’s trying to keep on his face.

“I didn’t sign up for this, I’m breaking up with both of you,” Chris pouts.

“Both of us? I thought Derek wasn’t your boyfriend?” Cait says.

“Boyfriend? Shouldn’t you take me on a date first?” Derek chirps.

“Bitty! I need you to ground Nursey and Farmer!” Chris calls out, assuming Bitty is in his usual place at the kitchen table.

“My name’s Bennett and I ain’t in it,” Bitty calls back, confirming Chris’s suspicions of his location.

“Et tu, Brute?” Chris says, scandalized.

Derek and Cait are cracking up behind him and they both put a hand on his back pushing him towards the door. Bitty is laughing as well as the door closes and Chris can’t keep up his scowl any longer. He’s smiling and happy as they climb in the car, throwing chirps back and forth as Cait pulls away from the curb.

*****************

They get settled at Derek’s favorite corner of Arora Palace, in one of those circular booths with the table in the center. Chris has only ever ordered takeout from here for Derek, or eaten what he’s brought back to the Haus, so he’s never been able to see it in its full glory. The decor is beautiful, covered in deep reds and warm golds, culture saturating the walls from top to bottom. He can see why Derek likes it; though it’s not his culture specifically, it’s very similar to all of the different ethnic restaurants he frequents back home. The walls are dripping with the love and culture the family has put into it. He’s glad he chose this location for their date.

Derek asks a few questions about what Cait does and doesn’t like, and after contemplating, he offers to order for everyone, since he knows what Chris likes and now has more insight into Cait’s tastes as well. It’s silly how much that makes Chris want to kiss him, the easy way he takes care of things, how he includes Farmer too. He agonizes for a moment before he remembers that he can. He leans over and cups Derek’s cheek, kissing him chastely in the middle of his sentence. Cait snorts and Derek blushes and looks up. Chris turns around; the waitress is grinning and holding her pad up, indicating that she was writing. Chris realizes abruptly that he interrupted Derek in the middle of ordering for everyone and puts his face in his hands with a groan.

“I’m so, so sorry. That was hella rude,” Chris mumbles into his palms.

“It’s okay, that was actually really sweet!” The waitress says, giggling.

“He’s a mess, I can’t take him anywhere,” Derek laughs, before continuing with their order.

“Were you trying to be smooth or something?” Cait asks, leaning over to whisper at him and trying valiantly not to laugh.

“No, I was just thinking that it was really sweet that he took the time to figure out what we like so that he could order for us, and then I wanted to kiss him, and then I remembered that I can do that now. I just wasn't paying attention to what he was actually talking about.”

Cait giggles softly, letting him stew for a minute and patting his back. 

“You know, you were way more smooth when you were courting me, baby cakes.” 

“I know, I don’t know why he turns me into this,” Chris says, dragging his hands down his face.

“Maybe it’s my stunning charm and quick wit?” Derek says, having finished up with the waitress. He takes a drink of water and misses his mouth, dribbling over the front of his sweater.

“Yeah,” Chris snorts, handing him a napkin, “that’s definitely it.” 

Derek grins at him, sheepish, and Chris can feel himself going soft and silly for the boy in front of him. Luckily for them, Cait notices it too, and speaks up, rolling her eyes.

“God, you guys are useless,” she says, “we are actually here to talk, you guys know that, right? Derek, did you have any particular questions for us?”

Derek sits back for a minute, sipping at his water and suddenly looking a little nervous.

“Nothing in particular, I just wanted to know what you two had talked about, just so I know how I fit into,” he makes a vague gesture with his hands, “all this.”

“Well, I would like to date you, but I don’t think Farms wants to. So—“ Chowder starts.

“Okay wait, don’t say it like that!” Farmer interrupts, “It’s not that I would never date you, I just think now is the time for you and Chris to figure out your relationship without trying to figure one out with me too, you know?”

Chowder rolls his eyes at his girlfriend while Nursey chuckles.

“You were saying that you want me to be your boyfriend.”

“I was saying that, thank you. So I would be dating you and Farmer. I’m okay with you both dating other people if you want, but I would like to know about it just to keep communication open. I don’t think I have any problems that I can think of with any relationship you may have, but if that changes I’ll let you know and we will go from there. Is that okay?”

“Yeah, of course. But what about you?” Nursey asks.

“What about me?” Chowder says.

“What if you’re interested in someone else, how would you like to navigate that?”

“Oh,” Chowder waves a hand dismissively, as though the idea never occurred to him, “you guys are it for me.”

It’s Derek’s turn to get flustered, and he pulls Chowder to him to kiss him softly. They pull apart and keep their foreheads together, grinning softly at each other. Derek rubs his thumb over Chowder’s cheek and bites his lip.

“Do I really get to have you? After so long?”

“Yeah,” Chowder whispers. “As long as you want me.”

“Okay. Yeah.” Derek says as he sits up, unable to keep the grin off his face. “Chill.”

Cait squeals just a little and leans over to kiss them both on the cheek. Chowder laughs and feels his heart settle in his chest. He never thought this is where he would be, that he would get to have this, have them. He thinks he may be the luckiest man in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well kids, that's all she wrote! Thank you for coming with me on this journey! it's the longest thing I've ever written and I'm so incredibly proud of it, and all of your love and comments really kept me going. thanks again to my lovely beta Nan, and also to Jo and Hez who looked over it for me in the beginning.  
> (I may do an epilogue, lemme know if you're interested!)  
> leave me a comment, and come wallow with me on [tumblr!](http://oluranurse.tumblr.com)


	8. Epilogue

_Six years later_

“Loves of my life!” Chris says, smiling when his video call is answered.

He’s currently in a hotel room in Pittsburgh after a 3-1 win against the Pens. It’s been a long roadie without his partners and he wanted to spend his evening talking to them instead of out partying with everyone. This is nothing new to his team after three years playing together; they’d have been more surprised if he did decide to go out.

“Hey, baby cakes,” Cait says, smiling softly from where she’s snuggled up against Derek.

“That was a great game, C,” Derek says, grinning in his Sharks jersey, which proudly bears “Chow” on the back.

“Thank you! I can’t wait to watch the tapes, I think I can learn a lot from this game,” Chris says, laughing good naturedly when both Cait and Derek roll their eyes. “Okay fine, enough about me, tell me about your days. I miss you two.”

He listens intently as they talk, interrupting and chirping each other back and forth. He can’t help but think about how they got here when he catches glimpses of the rings on their fingers. They’d managed to pull two championships out of their last years at Samwell, causing recruiters to be knocking at both Derek and Chris’s doors. Derek decided to pursue his career as a teacher, earning his degrees in education and teaching Creative Writing courses while he worked on his book. He’d already published a book of poetry so far and it had done incredibly well, landing him on the New York Times Bestsellers list.

Chris had been offered a contract with the Falconers and he’d played a couple years with Jack before being traded to his dream team: the San Jose Sharks. It worked well too; Caitlin had been dying to get back to her home state so that she could actually use her degree in marine biology. So they packed up and moved out to California.

Derek and Cait’s relationship grew more intimate after so much time together, dealing with the stress of adult life after college and the acute emptiness of not having Chris in their home as much as they wanted him. If you asked him, Chris wouldn’t say that he was waiting for them to get there, but he wouldn’t tell you he was surprised, either.

They got married later that year and life is so much better than Chris ever imagined it could be.

They tell him about what they did for the day, what they made for dinner, filling up the room with meaningless chatter, knowing how much he genuinely loves to hear it. It’s his favorite part of everyday away from them, and he could listen to them talk about nothing and everything for hours at a time.

“Alright, Daddy, we’re tired. I think we’re gonna call it a night,” Cait says with a barely repressed grin.

“Okay babe, I understand. I’ll call in the— wait,” Chris says after his brain catches up with what she said. “What did you call me?”

Derek responds by holding up a clearly positive pregnancy test with tears in his eyes and a smile as big as the one he had on his wedding day.

“Oh my god. No fucking way! Are you kidding?” Chris exclaims clapping a hand to his forehead, already halfway to sobbing.

“Serious as a heart attack, handsome. You’re going to be a dad,” Cait laughs, crying as she holds up three more pregnancy tests, all showing positive.

That opens up the floodgates, and Derek and Cait make soothing noises through their own tears. They’d never really talked about kids, what with Chris being at the height of his career and full of the fear that he wouldn’t be able to be there as much as his family needed him. The fear was still there but he knew as he wiped a hand over his face that they would make it work. He loved them and they loved him, and the baby they made together would be just as beautiful as their love for one another.

“We’re going to be parents,” Derek says thickly, pressing a wet kiss to his wife’s hair.

“We’re going to be fucking parents. I love you both so much. I’ll be home tomorrow and we’ll celebrate, okay?” Chris says, wiping at his eyes.

“Okay. We’ll keep the bed warm for you,” Derek says, blowing a kiss at the camera.

“We love you so much,” Cait says with a little wave.

Chris hangs up the call and holds his phone to his chest, grinning and shaking his head. He holds off on telling anyone until he talks to his spouses even though he’s dying to scream his joy from the rooftops. Tomorrow they’ll talk logistics and doctor’s visits and nurseries, and he and Derek will fret as they do, and at the end of it all, he’ll kiss his wife’s belly and whisper joy to the third love of his life.

Life is good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for coming on this journey with me you guys, it means more than you'll ever know. i hope this ultra sappy chapter was a good way to round it all up and i hope you enjoyed reading as much as i enjoyed writing it.  
> you know where to find [me!](http://oluranurse.tumblr.com)


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